


What We Lost In The Fire

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Child Soldier Rey, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Dark Side Rey, Darth Nihilus Vibes, Disturbing Themes, Eldritch Abomination Kylo Ren, Force-Sensitive Poe Dameron, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Knights of the Old Republic vibes, Kylo Ren & Ben Solo are Different People, Kylo Ren Is Basically Darth Nihilus, M/M, Mass Murder, Minor Character Death, Planet Destruction, Possible Nightmare Fuel, Resistance Member Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Role Reversal, Sith Rey, Slow Burn Darkpilot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:21:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23118409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Luke Skywalker never even thought — even for a split second — of killing his nephew.Ben Solo never left for the Knights of Ren.The Academy was destroyed anyway, and Ben has no choice but to join the Resistance to stop the First Order. The path ahead is difficult, as Ben struggles not to fall to the Dark Side, while also fighting the First Order and developing a relationship with Poe Dameron.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Burn

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Call this an idea that re-emerged or so during one of my brainstorming sessions.

As far as Ben Solo knew, he had always struggled with the Dark Side. 

”It’s a lifelong struggle,” his uncle said to him once, though Ben didn’t tell him the whole truth about what was happening with him. “The Dark Side and the Light. It’s not the struggle that makes you a bad person, and even if you succumb it doesn’t automatically make you bad. It means that you made a mistake, and there's always a chance for you coming back from it, Ben.”

Ben supposed that his uncle was right. Supposed. He wondered if his uncle would change his mind if he saw what exactly went on in Ben’s head. 

***

In another timeline, Luke Skywalker’s paranoia would get the better of him and he’d at least think of killing Ben. And the galaxy would pay for it. 

Here, that didn’t happen. It didn’t stop the Academy from being destroyed as well as the pain that followed it. That moment when Ben was awakened by the terror of the Academy that abruptly, then, fell silent. 

***

It was when Tai, Voe and Hennix found him that Ben was crouched near the ruins of the Academy with his hands all but fisted in his hair, fisted so tightly there that Ben swore that it was painful. He doubted that he could get up. Even thinking about it, trying to wrap his mind around it, all of it felt too much like he had been betrayed — even though he had no idea what had caused the storm, or who. 

Stars willing, it might as well be a natural disaster out of his control. Like a meteorite falling on someone’s house or...something. That had to be some kind of an explanation, at bare minimum. 

”Ben.” Tali’s voice was slow, gentle, like he was trying to be gentle around Ben. Like approaching a wounded animal, Ben thought. 

Even Voe...Ben could feel her worry, her horror. Even as Ben disentangled his hands from his hair and raised his head, he noticed Voe and her look of shock. Like this wasn’t supposed to happen. Nothing was supposed to attack the Academy, to breach that safe little bubble they had. 

Ben knew the feeling. 

Then Voe spoke. “Master Skywalker...”

”I’m here.” Luke stumbled behind them. Even as Ben looked at him, he could swear that what had happened had just about killed something in his uncle. 

Voe continued. “Master Skywalker...I’m so sorry...”

”It wasn’t your fault, Voe,” Luke said softly. Then, “We need to get out of here. We don’t know when that storm is going to strike again.”

Ben couldn’t argue with that. 

***

Luke was talking in the other room with Ben’s mother even as Ben settled in on his stomach on his bed in the _Grimtaash._ And that presence...Ben swore that it was lurking in the back of his head, taunting him. _It won’t be long before you do as I ask.  
_

 _”_ Did you kill them?” Ben was grateful, at least, that his words were muffled by a pillow. It wouldn’t be good if anyone knew he was struggling with his demons out loud. 

_Perhaps. Or perhaps it was the will of the Dark_. A beat. _It’s not what they did, young Solo. They were a part of your becoming. Part of what was needed to make you complete_. 

”I’ll never join you,” Ben mumbled. 

_We shall see. The Dark Side has tremendous gifts, young Solo. The question is if you’ll accept them_...


	2. Ex Nihilo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse for basically everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Let’s say this wasn’t planned as much as something that popped into my head thanks to unused content for KOTOR II.

The ruins of the Academy were still burning when Ren’s shuttle landed on the planet. If Snoke hadn’t decided to send him down to the planet, he wouldn’t have bothered; apparently, the destruction that Snoke had orchestrated had had...consequences.

Ren didn’t like the idea, if he was to be perfectly honest. He didn’t like aberrations of the Shadow that he didn’t understand. Still, Snoke’s orders were Snoke’s orders, and Ren wasn’t about to go against Snoke. 

Even as Ren stepped down from aboard his shuttle, he could already feel the cold air against his burned skin. The scars were many, and the causes were equally so. Ren didn’t see any reason, though, for being ashamed of said scars. They simply were. They were testaments to how strong he was, how much he had endured. 

The Academy was all but decimated. Flaming, in ruins. Ren supposed he had to admire Snoke for that. Even if the smell of scorched bodies was a little strong. 

Maybe more than a little, actually. 

There was a huddled, naked mess on the ground, and Ren almost wondered if it was a survivor that the Academy had missed. Probably, he thought. It was making strange sounds that shouldn’t come out of a humanoid, little growls and whimpers that sounded more animalistic. 

Then it looked up at Ren, and Ren could swear that his that’s-impossible feelings sprang to life. Because that pitiful, naked, huddled mess...

It was the kid.

But how?

”Solid,” the thing with the kid’s face said, with the kid’s voice. “Need...to be solid...”

”Easy there, kid,” Ren said. Stars, even the feeling of the thing’s presence...it was like there was just nothing there. Like, somehow, that thing’s presence just swallowed everything...

He pulled out his comlink. “This is Ren,” he said. “I think we’ve got an interesting situation on our hands...” 

***

“So he’s...the kid.”

Ren looked at Snoke, still disbelieving of the idea that this had happened. That they got the kid on their side, in a way, but he _wasn’t_ the kid. Even when they’d gotten the kid dressed — he seemed to like the Revan-knock-off armor, for some reason — Ren could swear that the kid was just staring at him. The _thing._ Ren didn’t like thinking of other beings that way, even in his head with no repercussions, but what else were you supposed to say, when he was the kid — and yet not?

Snoke regarded him calmly. “You sound surprised.”

Ren shrugged. “I’ve studied the Shadow for years,” he said. “Stuff like this doesn’t just happen.”

“Have you ever heard the story of Lord, or should I say Lady, Nihilus?”

“It was a campfire story,” Ren said. “Some guy that started eating planets?”

“A manifestation of a woman’s cut off Force energy,” Snoke said, as calmly as if they were discussing the weather. “You could say she was not born as much as she became. She was responsible for the Katarr cataclysm, and would have nearly destroyed Telos if she hadn’t been stopped.”

So it was possible. Ren would be damned if he knew how drained Force energy became corporeal, but...

“This is a bad idea,” Ren said. “The kid, the other kid, is gonna be angry enough to come after us. That’d usually be all well and good, but...we have this guy with us.” He sighed. “I think you made a mistake, Snoke.”

“You _doubt_ me?”

“No,” Ren said hurriedly. He was on better terms with Snoke than others would be, but even he knew better than to make Snoke lose his temper.

“Good. I knew you were smart, Ren.” 

Ren supposed he’d dodged a blaster bolt in that regard. An angry Snoke was not a Snoke to be trifled with. 

”So, what do you want me to do?” Ren said. 

Snoke smiled, almost firaxan-shark-like. “We have a living weapon. One we can use against any who dare to think to trifle with us. Why would we need Starkiller Base, when we have him?”

Ren supposed. It didn’t make him feel at ease, actually. He’d killed before; he wasn’t some pampered, self-righteous fool. But wiping out whole planets...

“Right,” he said. “So...you want him to be one of my Knights?”

Snoke nodded. “Though don’t be surprised if he bests you. It is the way of the Dark — the strongest must rule if we are to survive.”

”I thought that."

Ren named him “Kylo”. It meant “victorious”, and he knew, in that moment, that all his hopes, all his expectations, for this anomaly...all of them were there in that name.

***

Ben woke abruptly in the night, feeling, somehow, like there was a deficit in him where the Force used to be. Like he was weaker. And he needed to get stronger. Stronger...how did he get stronger? That was the question. 

_You should kill Voe. Drain her energy_. 

It didn’t come from the source that Ben thought it would. Snoke, or anyone. It felt primal. And logical, right? If you’re hungry, eat. But he couldn’t hurt Voe. He didn’t want to hurt Voe...not that that gnawing emptiness in him would actually listen to what he actually wanted. 

”Shut up,” he murmured. “Not now...”

Footsteps. Ben already dreaded who was going to come in and see him like this. And there was something in him that kept going _kill kill kill eat eat eat —_

“We’ve reached D’Qar,” Tai said. Then, “Ben? Sweet Force...are you okay?”

Ben sat up. “I’m fine,” he said. “Might have been...yesterday. Still in shock.”

”We all are,” Tai said. “Ben, look — we’re all here for you. I know I am.”

”Thanks.” 

Even as they landed, headed out to D’Qar, Ben couldn’t help but tread carefully. Somehow, he couldn’t help but think about fragile things, things that could crumble at any minute. All if he wasn’t careful. 

Even as he walked into the sturdy structure that served as the Resistance base, the others following him, Ben was hyperaware of every presence.

He continued in, where his mother was, and there was something in the way that his mother looked at him that was enough to actually make him feel like he was being scrutinized. Like she was afraid somehow. Why was she staring at him like that? 

Next to her was a man who looked not that much older than Ben. He was shorter than Ben (then again, almost everyone was), but he was quite pretty, much to Ben’s chagrin — and he himself seemed to have Force energy. Promise. For all Ben wanted to _feed feed feed,_ he knew that it would be a waste. A terrible waste. And it was wrong. 

”Ben,” his mother was saying, “This is Poe Dameron. My right hand.”

How long had she been setting him up for this? All while looking at Ben, her biological son, like he was a thermal detonator about to go off?

”Hello,” Ben said. 

His mother sighed. “You look ill,” she said. “We need to have you see Doctor Kalonia — on second thought, we need to have you see Maz. Maz is better; Maz might help you more.”

Ben didn’t know what was going to happen next, but he didn’t like it. Even with Poe Dameron’s reassuring wink — the most solace he could take was that the man was kind, really. 

***

”So what about the kid?” Ren said, later to Snoke. Kylo was...recumbent, Ren supposed he should say. Recharging, not really sleeping. Ren didn’t think that someone like Kylo could actually sleep, when he was more of a Force breach than anything else. _Snoke, buddy, what have you done_? 

Snoke sneered. “You think that I have any more use for him? I miscalculated. Instead of embracing the strength that power brings, he cowered in fear. He’s weakened.” A beat. “There is one, though. Palpatine’s granddaughter. The rest of the planet she’s been hidden on is a wasteland, but the girl is vital.”

”Palpatine had grandchildren?” Ren said. 

”Well,” Snoke said, “The matter of cloning makes it far more complicated than that. But yes, she is technically his granddaughter. And you, Kylo...you’ll find her and destroy the rest of this pathetic planet.”

Ren was no stranger to burning things. He knew that much. But this...this felt different. He’d burned villages before. He’d taken lives, innocent and not. But this...

”Figured that,” he said. He turned to Kylo. “Looks like today’s your lucky day, kid.”

Kylo followed him without hesitation. 


	3. I Am Become Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don’t end well for Jakku or Rey, and Leia tries to get answers for what’s wrong with Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Warning: This chapter is disturbing.

It was an ordinary day when the First Order came to Jakku. Rey, fourteen years old, was already laying out her recently found relics in exchange for portions (it didn’t take someone who could see the future to know that Unkar would find a way to screw her over) when she saw the shadow fall over them both, and looked up. The other scavengers were chattering, half in amazement, half in fear. 

Unkar looked up in that moment, and it was there that he actually looked like...well, something Rey never imagined Unkar Plutt to look. He looked scared. “Stang it, that’s a Star Destroyer...”

It was. And now that Rey thought about it, was Jakku supposed to feel so _cold_? It wasn’t even like a case of desert temperatures, she thought; it was almost like it was inside her _head_...

“Unkar,” Rey said, “Do Star Destroyers usually come to Jakku?”

Unkar snorted. “Not since the last war. It doesn’t matter, girl. If you actually value your hide, run!”

”They’ll get you too — ”

”Just go!” Unkar said, and Rey couldn’t help but think that it said volumes that Unkar’s perhaps only kind act towards her happened when he was about to die. 

She ran. Ran towards the graveyards, towards the interior of a Star Destroyer. She got in, hid on the floor just in time even as she swore it was like Jakku died screaming around her. That noise...that noise, it was just getting worse and harsher — this wasn’t just orbital bombardment...

And then it stopped. Rey crawled out, and she saw that the planet of Jakku was intact. Not a destroyed city to be seen. But it just looked drained, and so very desolate. And there was nothing there. There were bodies too, bodies of scavengers like her that were lifeless, but bore no signs of carbon scoring or anything like that; they were just dead...

”Ri’ia...” Rey couldn’t afford to hyperventilate, though. Even though there was a part of her prematurely-logical teenage brain that protested that this could not be happening. 

There were footsteps. Footsteps that crunched over desert sand, and Rey looked up to see a man, horrifyingly scarred (it was like his skin was discolored from the scarring) wearing a mask with a bloody-looking handprint on it. 

”Why, hello there.” The man’s conversational-sounding tone was too at odds with his tinny voice. “What a coincidence — you’re the kid we came here for.”

”I’m not going to fall to you,” Rey said. She stumbled to her feet. 

“Hiding in a Star Destroyer and then picking a fight with a Knight of Ren? I’ve got to give you credit, kid; you’ve had one hell of a day. But trust me, staffs aren’t gonna beat a lightsaber.”

”I can try,” Rey said. “I’ve taken on more men than you.”

”I can believe that.” The man stepped towards her. “Most of Jakku is dead, kid. I’m not your dad...I know about your family, though. I can tell you where they are — and I can get you off this pathetic rock.”

After a while, Rey nodded. “Fine. But if you betray me, I’ll fight you and win.”

”Was about to say the same, kid.”

***

If there was one benefit to the Star Destroyer, it was that Rey could say that she had better food there than she had on Jakku — even if that didn’t say much. And even if she had the strange figure in the armor watching her coldly. And even if the man who’d found her on Jakku was now unmasked — and she was unsettled that he looked like he could be somebody’s father. 

”It’s not Kylo’s fault, exactly,” said the man. “Let’s say that he wasn’t born as much as...manifested, and this is his first meal.”

”An entire planet.” Rey couldn’t say she knew where to start: anger and grief at Jakku being devastated, or confusion at how a whole planet could be eaten. 

”Yeah,” the man said. “One could say that he’s just a baby, thanks to his unusual circumstances.”

”I...see.” Rey was already trying to wrap her mind around it and getting already more horrified by the implications. All these things should have been legends. Her mind was already on the verge of melting down, and she said, “The people on Jakku didn’t do anything! They were innocent...”

”It was nothing personal.” Kylo’s voice was tinny, almost pinched behind the mask. “They were there. I needed to feed. The wells of the Dark Side on Jakku were...enough, for now.” A beat. “There’s too much noise. Too much chaos. Too much...disorder...”

”That’s where you come in, kid,” the man with the scars said. “Usually we’d have you kill somebody — a good death, if you get my meaning. Don’t look at me like that, kid; you’ve probably killed to survive on Jakku before. We’ve all done stuff we’re not proud of.”

”No,” Rey said. “I haven’t killed anybody. That’s not how I do things.”

The man scoffed. “People kill people, kid. If you say that you’re not that being, you’re lying.” A beat. “Wait, you aren’t. But I think that surviving where others didn’t is something by itself.”

”And my family...”

”Your parents are dead, kid, but your grandfather's alive.”

”What did you do to them?” Rey said.

The man shrugged. It looked almost grotesque. “I had nothing to do with it, kid. You can take my word for it. But your grandfather’s alive. I can feel it, that you wanted nothing more than your family back. Just a little girl shivering in the dark. But you’re home, kid. The Shadow’s your home, and we’re not leaving you.”

Rey could believe it. The right thing to do would be to turn back, to run away. In the end, though, she had to know. If her family was still out there, she had to know.

”Take me there,” she said. “To my grandfather.”

”No problem, kid,” the man said. 

***

“What I can see in young Solo,” Maz Kanata said, “Is an affliction that I have not seen in centuries. Typically, if one can call it typical, it happens when one undergoes great trauma in the Force.”

The medical bay seemed to go almost too cold. Ben could only think that it was a lot like being inside a freezer. 

Leia was clearly trying to stay calm. “So when the Dark Side storm happened...”

Maz was grim. “Do you think, honestly think, that one could experience the deaths of Jedi, the destruction of an Academy, and simply walk away unscathed? There have been those who’ve walked away with emotional effects, if not effects that can be felt in the Force. In this case, when young Solo felt the murders...you could say he split.” A beat. “The Force energy torn from him has manifested.”

”But that’s impossible!” Leia said. “Surely if Ben’s got a...a doppelgänger running around, a clone would be more plausible an explanation?”

”I know, Leia. But I felt it. As implausible as it sounds, it’s true: the Force energy your son lost became a doppelgänger.”

Ben could swear that the rest of his brain was, simply, in a meltdown. It couldn’t be. It had to be impossible. And yet he could feel the truth. In his bones, in his heart. 

Poe Dameron seemed to sense Ben’s shock, the fact that his brain seemed to be on the verge of a meltdown, because he looked at Ben, clearly worried. 

”So it’s my son,” Leia said, “And yet...not.” She sounded just as frustrated and scared as Ben thought. 

A nod from Maz. “You could say that.”

”Do we tell any of the Resistance?” Leia said. “I just know, if they find out about Ben’s double...they’ll think it’s his fault. When it’s clearly not. Stuff like Jakku’s destruction...”

Maz nodded grimly. “You’ll have to keep it close to your chest,” she said. “For Ben’s sake.”

Leia swallowed. It was clear that she was trying not to cry. “Thank you, Maz.”

Even as they left, Leia said, softly, “I know it’s hard, Ben.”

Ben snorted. “That’s an understatement.”

Leia ignored him. “But I promise, we’re going to help you. We’re going to find a cure, if there is any.”

Ben nodded. Truthfully, he didn’t know if there was one. If there was a chance. “If” was good, but did it exist, really?

Poe turned to look at him. “You’re incredibly brave,” he said. Damn him, even his voice was pretty. “Going through all this. And you’re far from alone, Ben.”

Ben thought of how outnumbered they all seemed against the First Order. How scared everyone no doubt was. Then, he said, “Neither are you.”


	4. Force Impossibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey reaches Exegol, and Ben consults with his team, and learns something unexpected about Poe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was landing on Exegol proper and descending from the shuttle that Rey looked around at the almost icy-looking planet, with its smooth, cold ground and sturdy structure up ahead that she could only assume was the Sith’s stronghold. Ren (as she learned the scarred man was called. And his lightsaber was also called the “ren”. Rey couldn’t help but think about how terribly anticlimactic that was) squeezed her shoulder. “Easy, kid,” he said. “You just have to get used to it. I suppose. I’d bring Kylo, but...I don’t know if the Sith want a walking disaster area.”

Given that Jakku had been destroyed so easily, Rey couldn’t argue with that. 

The facility seemed to be ominous, lit poorly, and Rey could swear that she saw — were those vats full of clones? Some sorts of clones? Ren squeezed her shoulder. “Don’t stare too much at any of it, kid,” he said. 

They continued onward, and it was then that Rey saw him. It. It couldn’t be; the Emperor had died when Vader had thrown him into the depths of the second Death Star. And yet...

”I was wondering when my granddaughter would come home,” the Emperor said. 

Rey stumbled back, feeling like a happabore had kicked her in the chest. “You can’t be — how did you — you can’t even — ”

”Cloning is miraculous, isn’t it?” said the Emperor. 

Rey glared up at Ren. “You knew, didn’t you?”

”To a degree,” Ren said. “Snoke, your...uncle of sorts...he told me.” A beat. “Cloning’s miraculous, but it makes the family tree more complicated.” Ren turned to the Emperor. “She’s not my only student. I had to leave the other on the ship because he’d...eat everything in sight.”

”A Force wound?” Now the Emperor...he wasn’t scared, but Rey doubted he was completely unfazed by someone like Kylo. 

”Created from the kid. Ben Solo, I mean.”

So Kylo’s...twin had a name. 

”Fascinating,” the Emperor murmured. “A Force doppelgänger, a result of that Dark Side storm...”

”What storm?” Rey said. 

”Simple energy, young Rey,” Palpatine said. “It’s Force Lightning, amplified. It can bring down enemy fleets if the user is so inclined. The Dark Side of the Force is remarkable, is it not? Nothing is impossible with it — as young Solo’s doppelgänger proves.”

Rey nodded. “Why did you do it?”

”Did you think I would ever allow Skywalker to get the best of me?” Palpatine said. “It wasn’t so easy for his weak father to kill me; a true Sith never dies. And I was not about to let Skywalker all but undo my Empire.”

“So you wanted revenge,” Rey said. 

”More to finish what I started. Young Rey...your parents abandoned you. Left you to a beast that starved and abused you.”

”They wanted me safe,” Rey said. “From you.”

Palpatine scoffed. “What a phenomenal job they did,” he said sarcastically. “Truly exemplary. They left you to starve, child. And they never came back for you. Hardly the actions of loving parents, is it?”

It hurt. And yet he was right. Rey swore that she could all but feel the Emperor working under her skin, seeking to destroy her. She couldn’t let him...but stars, considering he was right...

And maybe that was the worst part. Knowing she was nothing to her parents — but something to her grandfather. 

“What could you,” Rey said. “Offer me?”

Palpatine smiled. “Everything.”

***

”What did Maz say?” Tai said even as Ben sat next to him in the mess hall. Tai had insisted on sitting next to Ben, even though common sense would have told him to move as far away from Ben as possible. 

”She basically said it was a result of being in proximity to the Dark Side storm,” Ben said. “I suppose it doesn’t make complete sense, though. But then again, you, Voe and Hennix didn’t see what happened until later.”

Tai nodded. Then, “Ben...I know you’re feeling alone right now, but you aren’t. Not as much as you think.”

Ben nodded. “I suppose.” And yet somehow, he wondered if he didn’t deserve it, at least a little bit, being alone. Having something in him all but eating him alive from the inside out. 

Tai smiled. “If Arawn Sinn could become one of the greatest Jedi of all time while suffering from this...why not you, Ben?”

”I’m not her,” Ben said. 

”You could be. One day.”

Ben supposed he could be comforted by that. After all, if he was stuck with the knowledge that he had a Force-devouring abomination gnawing at the inside of him as well as having one actively running around...maybe looking on the bright side wasn’t a bad place to begin. 

***

There was something about talking to Uncle Luke that Ben had to admit was unsettling. Just the way that Uncle Luke looked at him, like there was some kind of monster inside Ben. It was one of those feelings that, plain and simply, didn’t feel good. It was one of those feelings that made Ben almost want to shy away. 

”A Force wound,” Uncle Luke said. “I suppose...I should have seen it coming. And not just one, but two Force wounds. You,” and Ben couldn’t help but all but feel his uncle’s fear in that moment. “And that being, no doubt with your face, running around.”

Ben nodded. Already, he felt embarrassed and ashamed, even though really, what part did he have in having that...part of him physically manifest?

"Master Skywalker,” Poe said, “It wasn’t his fault. I don’t understand why you’re angry with him.”

Luke said, “I’m not. But I am worried.”

”Maz basically said I split when the Dark aside storm hit,” Ben said. “Can we...reintegrate that part of me before he causes more damage?”

Voe sighed. She didn’t look disdainful though, but genuinely sympathetic. It was clear that, no matter their disliking each other in the past, Voe didn’t want this to happen. Voe was hard on herself to a fault and thought the worst of Ben, but she didn’t want this to happen to him. Who’d want this to happen to anyone? “I don’t think the Force works that way,” she said. “Even...Visas Marr’s master had to be killed. And not until the Exile was ready to do it. We can’t just go on a wild bantha chase trying to find your double, and even if we found him...he’d kill us all. We can’t help the galaxy if we’re dead.”

Ben nodded. “I never thought you’d have a point.”

Voe scoffed. “Yeah, well, don’t rub it in, Solo.”

Luke nodded. “Voe makes a solid point. You’re going to need training, Ben. We all will. Including Poe.”

So Ben had been right when he sensed the Force in Poe. “So...you’ll train him?” he said. He hoped so. He was barely a Knight himself, and he couldn’t train Poe when he was barely having any sort of control over his new condition. 

Poe nodded. “I talked with Master Skywalker and that’s the plan,” he said. “I just hope that we can do what we can...just to stop this new threat.”

Ben couldn’t disagree with that.

It was later, when he went off to bed, that he couldn’t help but worry. Not just worry, but full on panic. Every horrifying possibility of what would happen — if he lost control, hurt someone — seemed to all but race through his mind. Even as he kicked off his shoes and socks, got into bed, he wondered if it was possible to just lie there, in a fetal position, and block out the rest of the galaxy screaming in his head, the voices telling him simply to feed. 

Ben shivered. He could feel how cold it was, even with the blankets lying atop him. The best he could do, in the end, was try and think of better things. Chandrila, maybe, when Mom and Dad took him to the seaside. 

And for a while, it worked. Before Ben’s nightmares decided to warp it into an image of the seas drying up, the healthy green shade of grass becoming dried out and withered. And the screaming...all that screaming...

And waking in the night, shaking and trembling and sweating and trying not to scream, Ben knew that just because the threat was far away didn’t mean it didn’t feel terribly close. 


End file.
